One of the things that immediately stuck out in the text is the reoccurring idea of erasure. Castillo includes a quote by Wendy Xu at the beginning of First Movement: "I am trying to dissect the moment of my erasure" (Castillo 9). Castillo describes his life as a long sequence of day to day survival, and he wonders what may have come of his life had he "been spared the energy it took to survive" (Castillo 8). Castillo's way of survival was a strategic method of erasing himself―to go unnoticed, to avoid getting caught. Not only does Castillo reveal how he erased himself but how the U.S. contributed to erasing him as well.
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| "I am trying to dissect the moment of my erasure" |
Castillo makes it a point to tell the ways he hid himself. Castillo describes his desire to blend in when he introduces the idea of Americanism that his father despises. Apa wanted Castillo to dress like him, not a representation of American culture. Castillo reveals that to dress a certain way leads to being noticed: "Why couldn't he see that I didn't want to bring attention to myself, that I wanted to hide?" (Castillo 38). Hiding himself led to facades that convinced him that they were who he was, when, in fact, they were erasing who he really is: "I had hid so much of myself through behaviors foreign to me, that I started to think those facades were in fact [me]." In the midst of his acts he "lost a sense of reality, a sense of who and what [he] was put on this earth to be" (Castillo 24).
Castillo questions how much of himself he will have to give up as he pursues his green card from America. After erasing a lot of himself for survival, will he need to erase even more?: "I already had to erase much of myself, trying to survive; how much more was needed?" (Castillo 102). To become more American or a part of America, it is implied that immigrants must become less of their original culture. In his interview, Castillo says that the personal folder the woman carried about him "detailed everything about [him], and yet nothing." The government keeps every detail of his life, yet still fails to acknowledge the fears and longings that weave together to form who he is (Castillo 99). The woman tells Castillo and his wife that they most likely passed. "Welcome to America," she says, as if he had not been there for over 20 years. Such language suggests that, to the American government, he did not exist as anything other than an undocumented immigrant before that moment.
The dissecting of Castillo erasure first begins with himself. He evaluates how his childhood was stolen from him. His mind erased his past because his mind decided some things were best not to remember. The profound moment is when he figures out how to find the parts of him that were erased: "Maybe if I touched the places where I (and those who came before me in my family) were born, then something would come back to me" (Castillo 24). Dissecting his erasure is not just analyzing when he was erased; it is dissecting who he and his family were before being erased.
Castillo questions how much of himself he will have to give up as he pursues his green card from America. After erasing a lot of himself for survival, will he need to erase even more?: "I already had to erase much of myself, trying to survive; how much more was needed?" (Castillo 102). To become more American or a part of America, it is implied that immigrants must become less of their original culture. In his interview, Castillo says that the personal folder the woman carried about him "detailed everything about [him], and yet nothing." The government keeps every detail of his life, yet still fails to acknowledge the fears and longings that weave together to form who he is (Castillo 99). The woman tells Castillo and his wife that they most likely passed. "Welcome to America," she says, as if he had not been there for over 20 years. Such language suggests that, to the American government, he did not exist as anything other than an undocumented immigrant before that moment.
The dissecting of Castillo erasure first begins with himself. He evaluates how his childhood was stolen from him. His mind erased his past because his mind decided some things were best not to remember. The profound moment is when he figures out how to find the parts of him that were erased: "Maybe if I touched the places where I (and those who came before me in my family) were born, then something would come back to me" (Castillo 24). Dissecting his erasure is not just analyzing when he was erased; it is dissecting who he and his family were before being erased.
Castillo spends so much time and devotes all his energy trying to go unnoticed, yet still cannot hide from ICE. In what ways does Castillo confirm this idea throughout our readings? How does this realization affect Castillo's character?
At what moments in the novel do we see Castillo rediscovering himself through his family's origins?
At what moments in the novel do we see Castillo rediscovering himself through his family's origins?
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