The Language of Children

"I waved my hands in the air, gesticulating, giving them instructions in this new language that I was certain they could understand but that they almost certainly couldn't," writes Marcelo Hernadez Castillo, on page 214 of his memoir, Children of the Land. "They laughed and I laughed with them because we were children and that was what children did."

Language centers heavily in Castillo's memoir for both obvious and subtle reasons. As a child who crossed the Mexico-U.S. border with his parents at a young age, he had to quickly become bilingual to fit in at his new kindergarten. He writes of how he didn't understand the language he heard his teacher or the musician who visited his class speaking, how he assumed that any sound he made that wasn't natural to him must be English because English was the "other" that anything new or foreign consisted of. His mother, he tells us, doesn't know any English even after raising all of her children in America, and his father understands some but doesn't know how to speak it.

More subtle moments center on love, abuse, and apology. Castillo also tells us about how apologies can be turned into expressions of gratitude, shifting the emotions we feel with the language we use. We see other moments like this, when Castillo both is and isn't guarded about how he writes of the relationship he has with his father, one that we learn is built on both love and fear due to the abuse he faced as a child. But more than just being a vehicle to understand Castillo's journey throughout the memoir, language serves as a bridge between the borders of time in the text. We see how his bilingualism changed him as an adult, and how it was, when it first started to come into existence, a moment of joy for him as a child, as he became more able to understand the new world around him.

That he so "quickly" became bilingual, as opposed to his parents' struggle with English, is no surprise, as children learn languages with greater ease than adults do. When he writes about his impromptu speech to the children outside his apartment, Castillo is writing about his own language acquisition. But this moment is also where we can see Castillo, in retrospect, starting to move away from his parents and the culture that they grew up with. It's a moment of separation, where one bridge starts to form as another begins to collapse.

Discussion Questions:
1. Given what we know about Castillo's father and mother, how do you think Castillo's bilingualism affected with his relationships with his parents as it further developed?
2. How do you think the text would change if Castillo had written it in a style similar to Anzaldua's "How to Tame a Wild Tongue", with Spanish and English intermixed? 

Family Dynamics: Father and Son

Castillo shows us the different sides of his father, almost as if he is on the outside observing him. Yet his narrative does not separate himself as someone who is trying to understand his father. I feel like the narrative surrounding his father does not take any specific negative or positive tone, rather one that is admirable of someone that they feel is above them, despite any flaws or mistakes they have. An example of this can be found in chapter 8, when Castillo is describing the different structures of the room and uses that metaphor to explore themes of compartmentalization. He continues to explain that his father can be easily stimulated into either ends of being happy and angry, and that Castillo also realized that he has the same habit. To me, the contrast he makes between himself and his father is more on the realm of realization and acceptance, rather than denial or any other negative aspects towards his father. This helps us understand more about Castillo and that his ideas about his father is of understanding about how he was shaped, and that Castillo has the same conflict of being shaped by an environment much different than his fathers. 

In a much different sense of understanding and acceptance of how Castillo sees his father, he also studies him. As he was helping preparing him for an interview in El Paso, Castillo tells us how he studies his father: "There was the broader image of my father, which I knew well, and then there were the smaller subtleties that I had forgotten over the years, some of which I never knew. Even in the short moments we'd already had together, I could already observe he didn't like the cuffs of his shirt to touch his wrists, he kept a pen in his shirt pocket with a small memo pad filed with names. Between both the large details and small, they composed the entirety of my father. I was content with having only part of him" ( pg 1956/4755 on Kindle). The way that Castillo observes and describes his father is very much disconnected, at least in this passage, from himself and their relationship. The habits that Castillo describe are not connected to their relationship as father and son, yet it can help us understand the way Castillo views his father; as a being whom he can only understand through observation. The last sentence eludes to the fact that his father is still a mystery, and with that in mind, he accepts that he cannot possibly understand or unravel identities of his father that are strange to him, or not apart of their relationship. 

Questions:

1) How do you classify the relationship between Castillo and his father? In what ways does the narrative about that relationship help us understand larger themes in the text?

2) Is Castillo's view of his father healthy? Can it be viewed as too objective/subjective?

"The Tidal Wave of the Past:" Intergenerational Trauma

Even though memoirs are expected to be centered around one person’s—the author’s—memories, Castillo’s memoir includes many short chapters that contain stories about multiple generations of his family. Castillo’s deep ties to his family’s past reflect the idea of intergenerational trauma—the theory that trauma can be passed on through multiple generations of families,communities, or cultures. Even as Castillo is grappling with his own immigration status, he also carries the weight of the trauma that the border and the immigration system has caused his family. Furthermore, he implies that his own story cannot be separated from his family’s story, as his parent’s struggles have permanently impacted the way he moves through the world.

               In the very first paragraph, before he describes the ICE raid on his home, Castillo suggests that many of his behaviors are inherited, as they seem to come naturally to him. He writes that in some moments, even if he had never experienced them before, “something inside [him] knew exactly what to do… as if I had been practicing for the Olympics” (1). His simile suggests automatic, repetitive motion, but he does not attribute it to instinct. Rather, he insists that “[it] was memory,” and that he was “tapping into an inheritance that up

until that moment [he] didn’t know he had” (1). Castillo points to his “inheritance” of trauma in the rest of this section of the memoir by sharing the experiences of his grandmother, mother, and father in Mexico, on the border, and in the United States. He suggests that due to their trauma, his body is wired to react in a certain way.

               Furthermore, since he imagines his memories as being older than his body, he thinks of his life not as a series of events that are happening for the first time, but as a continuous experience of déjà vu. He writes that, “[in] this way life appeared monotonous, nothing was a surprise, but my body couldn’t stop shaking,” introducing the reader to his constant state of anxiety and dread—the fact that he is always anticipating a disaster (1). Instead of seeing the past and the future as separate, he suggests that the past has the potential to affect the present. He positions himself as the border between the two, comparing his body to a “small breakwater holding back the past” (1).

How does Castillo relate his body to his family’s intergenerational trauma?

Do you think it is possible for Castillo to heal/recover from his trauma?

Moments of Erasure

        One of the things that immediately stuck out in the text is the reoccurring idea of erasure. Castillo includes a quote by Wendy Xu at the beginning of First Movement: "I am trying to dissect the moment of my erasure" (Castillo 9). Castillo describes his life as a long sequence of day to day survival, and he wonders what may have come of his life had he "been spared the energy it took to survive" (Castillo 8). Castillo's way of survival was a strategic method of erasing himself―to go unnoticed, to avoid getting caught. Not only does Castillo reveal how he erased himself but how the U.S. contributed to erasing him as well.

"I am trying to dissect the moment of my erasure"

        Castillo makes it a point to tell the ways he hid himself. Castillo describes his desire to blend in when he introduces the idea of Americanism that his father despises. Apa wanted Castillo to dress like him, not a representation of American culture. Castillo reveals that to dress a certain way leads to being noticed: "Why couldn't he see that I didn't want to bring attention to myself, that I wanted to hide?" (Castillo 38). Hiding himself led to facades that convinced him that they were who he was, when, in fact, they were erasing who he really is: "I had hid so much of myself through behaviors foreign to me, that I started to think those facades were in fact [me]." In the midst of his acts he "lost a sense of reality, a sense of who and what [he] was put on this earth to be" (Castillo 24).
        Castillo questions how much of himself he will have to give up as he pursues his green card from America. After erasing a lot of himself for survival, will he need to erase even more?: "I already had to erase much of myself, trying to survive; how much more was needed?" (Castillo 102). To become more American or a part of America, it is implied that immigrants must become less of their original culture. In his interview, Castillo says that the personal folder the woman carried about him "detailed everything about [him], and yet nothing." The government keeps every detail of his life, yet still fails to acknowledge the fears and longings that weave together to form who he is (Castillo 99). The woman tells Castillo and his wife that they most likely passed. "Welcome to America," she says, as if he had not been there for over 20 years. Such language suggests that, to the American government, he did not exist as anything other than an undocumented immigrant before that moment.
        The dissecting of Castillo erasure first begins with himself. He evaluates how his childhood was stolen from him. His mind erased his past because his mind decided some things were best not to remember. The profound moment is when he figures out how to find the parts of him that were erased: "Maybe if I touched the places where I (and those who came before me in my family) were born, then something would come back to me" (Castillo 24). Dissecting his erasure is not just analyzing when he was erased; it is dissecting who he and his family were before being erased.  

Life After Death

In the first part of the novel that we read for Tuesday Marcello talks about a brother Manuel who was born years before him and died hours after being born in the mid-80s. He mentions how Manuel was meant to be source of stability for his family. Since neither of his parents had citizenships their son could have been something that rooted their family in the U.S. and may have offered them a better understanding of who they are. Marcello is possibly indirectly talking about the 14th Amendment which has become very controversial over the last couple years. The 14th Amendment talks about Birthright citizenship, which is the principle that every child born on US soil is automatically a native-born citizen, regardless of the immigration status of the parents (vox.com).  Under the Trump administration many are making the arguement that this shouldn't apply to children of undocumented immigrants, despite multiple Supreme Court cases recognizing these children as U.S. citizens (vox.com). 

Throughout this part of the story he talks about Manuel as something that gave them purpose to be in the U.S.. When he talks about when they would return to Mexico he says that Manuel was the only person in their family who remained in one place (52). Throughout the novel he mentions many times how he had hard forming an identity of who he was because he was undocumented living in a country that he felt like he didn't belong in. He stresses how the border was not only a physical thing on the outside but something that he felt on the inside. I think in a weird way he is kind of jealous of his brother. His brother, if he had lived, would have been able to say he was Mexican-American, he would have an identity that would be accepted and understood by society. I also feel like he may be holding some resentment. If his brother were to live his family would have most likely stayed in the U.S. and could avoid run ins with immigration. I think Marcello tells us this story because he wants to reader to see the conflict he is facing with this identity crisis. Even though Manuel died over 30 years ago he had more of an identity that Marcello did at this time.

Vox Article 

1) Why do you think Marcello tells us this story?
2) How does the story about Manuel tie in with what he has been saying about the border throughout the book?

Mental Health Support Through Novels

In Sanchez’s novel I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, the immigrant experience is portrayed through the lens of a growing teenage girl.  Though Julia’s perspective often provides a unique commentary on relevant, modern-day topics, her untrustworthy narration can make the story difficult to digest.  Due to Julia’s depression and anxiety, the majority of the story is written with an almost nihilistic attitude towards almost all events in her life.  The only reprieve we get from this dark lens is from the interactions with Julia’s boyfriend, a relationship which she enjoys partially for its alienation from her complex home life.  This all changes towards the end of the novel where we see Julia’s ignorance fade as she learns of the struggles of her parents and the lives of her family members across the border.  Julia’s trip to Mexico lifts the grey veil on her narration as Julia’s confidence builds and her world view expands to encompass people in different situations than her.  It is only after this event that we are able to Julia’s story through a happier, mentally stable narrator.

Opening at the Steppenwolf Theatre in Chicago

            In her efforts to repair relationships and tie up loose ends, Julia becomes a more likable character.  She gains empathy and understanding of other’s perspectives and appreciates that they may be different from her own.  Upon her return, Julia recognizes her mother and declares, “Because Amá is making such an effort to be a better mother, I’ve decided to be a better daughter” (pg 287).  This change of heart gives her character development which is essential to the story, but almost comes as a shock.  A recent theatrical adaptation gives Julia another chance in a different medium, providing an interesting opportunity to see further into her character progression during her time in Mexico.  With the alterations that may be made to the novel's timeline, a play may be able to provide insight into the mental transition Julia experiences, giving younger audiences more guidance in dealing with depression and anxiety.

            Mental health awareness has been a point for media attention over the past few years, and this novel is merely one example of guiding literature for teens who are experiencing similar mental states.  Sanchez does a terrific job in providing resources for her readers at the end of the novel, acknowledging that they may have much in common with the protagonist.  Though no two people react the same to medications that treat mental illness, this novel seems to use medication as a crutch to bring Julia's mental state back up.

Sanchez incorporates more accessible forms of depression aids such as journaling and exercising in Julia's recovery.  Why is this important considering the novel's target audience? 

What obstacles does this population face in seeking mental health care that mirror Julia's experience? 

The Struggle of Being a Teenager

In this section of the novel Julia, has a crisis of faith and her depression and anxiety both reach a climax that drives her to attempt suicide. This is the result of a number of different events that challenge the way Julia views the world and shatters any peace and order she gained in her life.  The first part of this is having sex with Connor and her interactions with Connor as a whole. Her physical encounter with Connor leaves Julia feeling very conflicted about the way she thinks about him and herself as well as sex as an activity. She sums it up while speaking to Dr. Cooke, Julia states "I don't see what the big deal is, and yet I feel guilty. I have these two competing feelings, you know?"(235). I think that this encapsulates the way that Julia thinks about life in general, that she is conflicted and drawn between various worlds that she never fits in to. One is the life that Olga seemingly left behind, one of the astute daughter who was dedicated to her family and her religion. The other is the dream life that Julia has for herself, of independence and wealth and most importantly the power to choose who she is and what she does. These two ideas struggle and conflict with one another and are the main source of conflict in Julia's life, she does not feel at home in either world. Again while speaking to Dr. Cooke, Julia summarizes these feelings well "I never belong anywhere. My parents don't understand anything about me. And my sister is gone."(236). This quote highlights the mindset of Julia for the book so far, one of confusion and anger at a lack of feeling of home and belonging. These are telltale signs of the mental struggle that Julia faces in her lack of connection with herself and her dream and her family and reality. This fundamental lack of connection is what drove Julia to attempt suicide and wind up in the hospital after slitting her wrists.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3139460/

1.In what ways does Ama drive her daughter further away from her with her unyielding desire for her to be the "perfect" daughter and in what ways does Julia exacerbate the situation with her rage and lack of communication skills?

2.Do you think the suicide attempt will be a catalyst for further emotional growth and connection between Ama and Julia, or do you think it will create an even more awkward situation that neither understands how to work past?