Reckless Love

          In Love War Stories, one short story that Ivelisse Rodriguez writes is "The Belindas". Within this story, we follow Belinda as she is following her ex-boyfriend David and reminicising and hinting at their time together. In one of those moments we see when Belinda introduces David to her mom. The specific part I would like to focus on is when David and her mom are talking about love.

David says,""She loves me, understands me."

"Love?" My mom eyes me, and snaps back to him, "You don't think it's too soon for that? You've been dating a month and a half."

"We feel the same way about each other," he says grinning.

She doesn't grin back. I grip his hand tighter.

The last thing she told me that night was that the whirlwind, the fast love, was all bullshit." (p. 102).

          In this scene, Belinda's mother is clearly showing her disapproval of the Belinda and David's relationship. She's hesitant because they appear to be in love too quickly for her. For me, this interaction was one of many that threw up red flags in my mind. It could have been the building of suspense that Rodriguez was incorporating by not mentioning specifically the abusive parts of the relationship until later, but for me this scene showed in part how David could potentially be controlling as well as how he looked to other people around Belinda. The fact that David spoke for Belinda, "She loves me, she understands me" (p. 102) combined with her mother's concern "the whirlwind, the fast love, was all bullshit" (p. 102) led me to believe that this relationship wasn't right for Belinda and it could turn abusive and horrible really quickly.

          Another factor of Belinda and David's love is the careless and simple nature of it. She describes what she imagines David and his new girlfriend's relationship is like, "I wonder if he has told her his prepackaged tragedies spilled early and often, hastening you into love. Because what is love if not triumphantly saying, I know him...He loves so carelessly." (p. 103). Within this she describes David being the type to make sure his girlfriends knew of his tragic background early on and to ensure that his girlfriends fell in love with him quickly by knowing this. I think this can be another sign of an abuser - as he is getting the person he is to know these deep parts of him quickly and is able to use those parts later on when he is in his apology stage after the abuse. Whether he ever does this, we don't know or see that in this short story, but I wouldn't put it past him to also see this within their relationship.

          For abuse within relationships, it is extremely difficult for the women to go to any authority to report what has happened. There is a huge stigma against women going through domestic violence and it is frequently swept under the rug. For Latinas and immigrant women, the ability to go to anyone about domestic violence is severely inhibited as they are frequently unaware of their legal protections and may be worried about what may happen to them and their children (especially if they are undocumented). These worries and fears lead to these women staying in these abusive relationships. The immigration system as is isn't equipped to humanely handle immigrant women who are in these situations - as it will be more likely to want to question their status of immigrant or citizen over any questions on how these women can be helped out of these abusive situations.

          However, what I do appreciate about this short story is how it ends on a small note of recovery. "He is recklessly on repeat, though. Just the boyfriend I knew. Once upon a time. Not blooming at all while I birthed Belindas." (p. 113). While I wasn't sure how I felt about Belinda's process of stalking David, I appreciated that she made this realization because of it. Because David stayed the same, he ended up repeating the same cycle of abuse with his new girlfriend. However, Belinda changed. Several times throughout the short story Belinda remarks on how she hated the person she became when she was with David, so she deliberately and physically changed herself so she didn't look like the same person. In this sentence she's recognizing this process of change that she's went on, "I birthed Belindas" (p. 113). While I don't think she is 100% her best self when we end the short story, I do think she is on the road to full recovery.

How does the themes of abuse within this short story connect with Hernandez Castillo and his mother?
How else might it be difficult for Latina women or undocumented/immigrant women to find recovery from or get out of an abusive relationship?

Looking for a tether in Mexico

Throughout the course of the novel Marcelo Hernandez Castillo struggles with the idea of belonging and whether or not he is real. In the majority of the novel he wants to be practically invisible, to escape scrutiny and fly below the radar of the Immigration officers. He describes himself desiring so much to be seen that "It was easy to imagine being hit by a car, because even if they didn't see me, I would for once be able to feel my body as more than smoke". This line connects to the mindset that Marcelo has on a broader scale to remain hidden from everyone, and how on edge he remains. His desire to go back to Mexico and see his father is in no small part an attempt to combat this feeling and this dissatisfaction with the ethereality of his own existence. Marcelo believes that going back to the place he was born his "origin" as he calls it will give him something to cement and tie his existence down and support himself as a human being. In doing so and exploring this process he reflects on what it means to be an immigrant in America and how dangerous and fleeting everything can be from terror to joy. I believe an excellent line to summarize this feeling is "We were always moving; I wanted to stay still for once". This is an outcry of emotion that Marcelo has had all his life but sadly has had to stifle because of the fear of ICE coming and removing him from the country, that fear seeped its into all aspects of his life and the opening scene is a great example of that fear and tension being omnipresent. All of these themes and elements are then compounded upon and magnified when Marcelo travels to Mexico to see his father. He begins to understand his fear more, especially when travelling over the border in the plane, he finally begins to unravel the techniques behind ICE and the American government to put fear into the heart of those who only want to love. The scene that frames these emotions and rebirth the best for me is when Marcelo first enters the house and spends time alone walking the halls and reminiscing about events and people that he never met. In the house he finds something of what was lost due to the constant pressure of immigration, he discovers that his ancestors built a "house once and never had to build it again". Through his interaction with this building that cannot be conquered Marcelo regains a hold on his personality and character in the real. He is no longer a wisp of a man flouted about on whatever wind takes hold of him, he has seen the foundation of his family and it is strong, his roots run deep. That same feeling is reinforced by the actions of his father, who Marcelo also finally comes to understand during his time in Mexico. Potentially battling those same emotions, and wanting to tie his family down, Marcelo's father built a house that is extraordinary, huge and strong enough to survive a hurricane or tornado or practically any other disaster. All of these themes connect to the larger idea of immigration taking your home from you and separating you from your family and ancestors, something that Marcelo struggled with is entire life. The time that he spends in Mexico is his attempt to fix those things in his life and finally attempt to become visible.

Why do you think that it was so important for Castillo to find something physical with which to tether himself to the real world? Were the emotions and actions of the place not enough for him? Why or why not?

I speak of this fear of being hidden and ethereal throughout my blog as being brought upon by immigration, do you agree with this claim, do you think that is the only reason or could it be caused by multiple things, i.e. Marcelo's father or relationship with his family?

The interviewer will see you now.

As we take in and analyze Children of the Land by Marcelo Hernandez Castillo, we are shown the experience of the undocumented dreamer inside the United States. In his cultural and independent struggle, Castillo faces his past, his heritage, and his new future as an original resident green card holder to "Be Grateful." Castillo's memoir shows us the reality of immigrant culture and what Anzaldua defined in borderlands on how "Culture forms our beliefs. We perceive the version of reality that it communicates. Dominant paradigms, predefined concepts that exist as unquestionable, unchallengeable,. are transmitted to us through the culture." Castillo's culture of living undocumented in the United States is filled with guilt and questions. Questions like the ones you find in interviews. "Interviews reminded me how much of my life was lived through questions and interrogations and how much of it was just someone waiting for me to tell them an answer how good I got at avoiding giving one." (81 Scribd.) The importance of interviews is shown throughout the book as life depending. The first one is Castillo's interview for his green card, in which he realizes that "An immigration interview follows the same rhetorical form as any other interview. The rules you're expected to follow are the same. It's a structure so common that I sometimes took its usefulness for granted. It happened every time I waited in line at the bank, at the store, or even when I made love. 81" Interviews question and interrogate Castillo as he deals with being accepted and accepting himself. He uses interviews independently from interrogation as a form of self-reflection and self-interviews similar to a confession, a "confession, and although I am not a Catholic, I believed in confession, in repeating the same prayer to dislodge whatever it was that was trapped inside me. I never went to church, but I wanted to confess to my friends all of the terrible things I had done to see if anyone would still love me. (117) We also see how interviews reflect other members of the Castillo family as both the father and mother go through an interview process of their own. The difference of set interviews is wide as "His (Apa's) interview wasn't going to be like mine. They weren't going to ask him who he loved, and if he loved them forever, they were going to ask him to say he was sorry." Interviews are not just a form of gathering information, of proving innocence, is synonymous with an interrogation. Parts of the culture that Castillo has shared are about the hiding of oneself, the losing for survival, the things that are unique not to cause any interest. Although interviews are invasive, and there is a separation of them versus "us," it's still better than the alternative where you are never questioned or asked who you are, and you continue hiding. "Despite our mutual uncertainty and fear, it was a triumph to be in Juarez. For so many years, to sit at a table for an interview was not even an option. It was our version of the Emerald City. We had made it that far. But unlike Dorothy, we had been disillusioned alone before we arrived." (168).

Ultimately what do you think Castillo's purpose was for including the interview purpose? His, his fathers, and his mother's?

 Castillo says, "I ventured to believe that the function of the border wasn't only to keep people out, at least it was not visible, to be seen, to be carried in the imaginations of migrants deep into the interior of the country, in the interior of their minds. It was a spectacle meant to be witnessed by the world, and all of its death and violence was and continues to be a form of social control, the way the kings of the past needed to behead only one petty thief in the public square to quell thousands more." (81) How does the border relate to the immigration "legal" process?

Domestic Violence Against Women

In the book, Children of the Land, Marcelo Hernandez Castillo persuades his audience with numerous topics such as domestic and systematic violence against immigrant women. Since the beginning, Amá demonstrates to be an independent woman who likes to work and to have a life far away from Apá. Amá took initiative to flee Mexico with her children as she tried to keep them alive. Yet, she is a victim/survivor of domestic violence. Hernandez Castillo writes “Maybe Amá and Apá didn't yet know they loved each other, even after so many years, just like I thought I knew what love was but didn't know how to love yet” (108). Hernandez Castillo implies his mother confuses the habit to be waiting for Apá with loving him. Also, Hernandez Castillo felt “He [Apá] won” (284) when Amá decided to go back to Mexico even when she knew her husband continued to see himself as the jefe of the house.

Amá was a victim of physical, psychological, and systematic violence. When Hernandez Castillo was trying to obtain a U visa for his mother, the opportunity was denied to her because the victim did not have a "credible" story, too much time passed, and the law was unwilling to provide justice. Additionally, “The U visa law told women like my mother how they should suffer and provided a checklist for correct forms of suffering” (243). Victims of sexual assault and domestic violence can be granted permission to stay in the United States under a U visa if they assist the police in their investigation. But women are scared to report violence to the authorities, especially undocumented women. They want to keep their families together and are terrified to be deported when seeking help. Last year, 33,500 assault victims applied for U visas, yet, the legal limit of U visas that can be guaranteed per year is 10,000. As a result, women continue to experience violence and oppression in their houses and systematically. 
Questions: 

1. Hernandez Castillo writes " ... we can confuse violence with love, trying to convince ourselves that it wasn't so bad" (206). In what other situations/parts is this portrayed throughout the text, and what are the consequences?

2. How does Children of the Land criticizes the “American Dream”?

Alcohol Helping Castillo Cope

Throughout the novel "Children of The Land" Castillo has an extremely complicated relationship with his father, the concept of love is very vague and broad in both languages according to Castillo, although he does seem to have a love/hate feeling for his father. Although, it is difficult for Castillo, as we know his father has an abusive past, although "drinking made it easier to live with my father and see past all of the chaos he inflicted" (p. 255). In this section Castillo explains how he sees the man who he feared and traumatized him is not as scary through drunk eyes. It feels like Castillo can see weakness in his father that he hadn't previously noticed. This could be a moment that represents Castillo realizing he doesn't fear his father as much as he had. He also mentions how he has been a support system for his father by sending him "ten or twenty dollars out of pity" (Castillo, 255). This is another example of Castillo viewing his father in a negative light, he must see his father as miniscule and pathetic when he drinks. Although, this isn't a healthy habit, and a combination of an abusive past as well as an alcohol problem could have lead Castillo to become an abuser himself. It is good that Castillo is making progress and realizing that his father is not someone he should be afraid of, which would be the first step in not having traumatic flashbacks, although Castillo should find another, more efficient way to cope.

https://www.alcoholrehabguide.org/blog/alcohol-and-child-abuse/

This is an article that explains how alcoholism and child abuse are correlated, alcohol is correlated to many other types of abuse as well, such as domestic abuse.

Questions
1: Castillo notices very specific details about his father, he seems to understand his weaknesses and patterns in his behavior in an almost strategic manner. Does Castillo see his weaknesses so well because he struggles to find a way to truly admire his father, therefore making it more difficult to acknowledge the positives, or is it because he has simply been observing him for years and understands his father in a way nobody else does?

2: Is It possible that the better the imaginary reality Castillo finds when he drinks, the harsher the actual reality becomes he sobers up?

Surveillance Lasts a Lifetime

     
      

      Throughout the memoir, Castillo describes his experiences with family, immigration, sexuality, and much more. One theme that I saw continually throughout the text was that of surveillance, both real and imagined.
       Castillo compares his life to films and television shows, "I felt like everyone around me knew something I didn't, like I was in an episode of The Twilight Zone, or in the move The Truman Show, and everyone around me was playing a role. Everyone was looking at a small invisible camera except for me," (Castillo 311). The connection to The Truman Show is striking because, in the movie, Truman, from his birth, was raised in a made up world for television to be seen worldwide as the first "real" reality show. From his youth, Castillo believed that ICE had him under constant surveillance, "I was certain they [ICE] knew everything about me, my crushes, my fears, my deep longing to wander. I was sure they had been watching me for a very long time, " (Castillo 5). When Castillo received his green card it was no longer ICE watching him, but everyone. He had replaced the real ICE with the imagined belief that there was something everyone knew that he did not. In the section of the novel we read for today, Castillo reflects on the aftermath of his father's kidnapping, "We didn't know who was involved, so we assumed everyone was," (Castillo 303). Castillo's fear of those around him during this time stems from his lack of knowledge of the abductors of his father and their motives. This reaction is incredibly rational considering the situation and amount of duress to which Castillo and his family were facing, but it also creates a new, real surveillance. 
       This issue of surveillance is even more prevalent with the current pandemic. CNN released an article regarding the locations of people to help "track and combat the spread of the coronavirus." What some used to see as imagined surveillance, government phone tracking, is even more real today. 

Discussion Questions:

1.) Where in the text can we see surveillance, real or otherwise, affecting Castillo? How?
2.)  How does the affect of the real surveillance differ from the affect of the imagined surveillance? Is there a difference at all? 

The Games we Play and the Borders that Define us

Castillo experiences many emotions when crossing the border. Over the three times discussed there are two distinct concepts that appear repeatedly. One is about how the border is not limited to its solid form, the second is about how the whole process of both becoming a citizen and crossing is simply a game.

The first time Castillo returns to Mexico he contemplates the concept of the border and that while there is a border “nothing in the landscape around it held a particular shape for long” (28). He realizes the border itself didn’t just exist as a “long thread of hair” as it appeared from the plane, but rather “everywhere” (29). The border was not something so easily black and white, it was an oppressive concept that hung over the land, blending with it. Upon returning to the US without his Father we see segments from the first time he had gone to the US when his family had entered.  He talks about how he had slowly gone blind as if the oppression of the border had clouded his vision. “the things in front of me slowly became less and less of themselves… as if they too wanted to get a little farther north” (182). After losing colors, shapes, and shadows, Castillo was left with only contrasts, he could tell what a thing was not by what it looked like, “but by the things around it. By what it was not” (183). The border became an amorphous concept to him, instead of being limited to the line between the US and Mexico, it became a constant reminder that this was somewhere he did not belong. It wasn’t who he was that mattered, but rather the people and things around him that told him what he was.  Just like his “Welcome to America” had given him a spot in the US, even though he had already been here for 21 years. And even though he receives his spot in America, “We did in three minutes what my father had waited ten years to do but couldn’t” (196) he is quickly reminded that his acceptance in America is not permanent by the TSA agent who stops him and he realizes “ I had no choice. I wasn’t yet a citizen” (197). And finally, just as on his first crossing he tries to read a book on the plane and realizes “it didn’t make much sense. I couldn’t read the words” (198). The oppression of the border weighs just as heavily on him as it did when he was a child crossing illegally into the country.

Castillo laments that on his first crossing his parents wanted him to know the truth “the guns, the agents roving on foot with their large flashlights.” He wonders if they should have told him it was a game and decides that “Yes, they should have told me it was all make-believe” (174).  This concept of a game is hit on quite heavily again when he crosses with his green card and the border agents barely acknowledge his existence because they are so busy talking about football.  He looks back while drunk “I wanted to tell them about the border officers who were talking about football as if it was just football. Wasn’t it just football? Wasn’t it just a piece of paper? Wasn’t it just ten years?” (202).  He tries to understand how to some his life is less interesting than a game of football, wouldn’t it be easier if it were all a game? On page 199 Castillo has some sort of a dream in which there was a game that “the children played adults and the adults played children. The border agents were the grooms. The border agents were the smoke outside because everything was burning.”  Even in his dreams where he wants to believe it is all a game, he cannot escape the fire that it the government coming for them, the border agents as the smoke. So instead his family pretends they are a regular family from the movies “We baked every fucking pie we saw in the movies” (200).  They must try and be perfect “Americans” because who they are does not belong. They play a game to try and fit in. It’s all just a game.  From getting his green card to crossing the border, it doesn’t matter who he really is, his hopes and dreams are all irrelevant, all that matters is that he plays the game.

On page 17, Castillo talks about the photos he developed,  how everything was black and white how he had "no patience for gray." How does the notion of black and white fit into the concept of an amorphous, oppressive border?

In what other ways do we see the concept of a game or playing a part occurring throughout the novel?    

Justice For Immigrants